A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

I love this quote by Carolyn Mahaney, "It's possible for a woman to have a quiet personality and not have a gentle and quiet spirit. It's just as possible for a woman to have an effervesent personality and to have a gentle and quiet spirit. A gentle and quiet spirit is not a personality type. A simple definition for a gentle and quiet spirit is a steadfast peace because of a steadfast trust in God."

When Men Are in Charge of the Centerpiece

M and the rest of his fellow officer candidates were in charge of a dining out. Here is the centerpiece. They were quite proud of them. It makes me smile to look at it. I would never have thought about a fishbowl with sand, toy soldiers and a glow stick. The mirror is a nice touch. They were a big hit and certainly brought a sense of fun to a more formal event.

Happy Spring!

I finally have my wheat grass planted and it is growing! Check out this post for instructions and to see a great container of wheat grass. Isn't that color of green beautiful? Such a cheery splash of spring color!

Raising Kids to Be Individuals of Convicion Apart From Mom and Dad

Today I read this, “Teens who live with conviction prove that they can be trusted. They make hard choices even when their parents aren’t present and would never know. They tend to hang around with others who do the same. These teens may make decisions that are different from those you would make, but they are not outside God’s boundaries. After all, the goal is not that your children would agree with you in every decision, but that their lives would be a practical picture of submission to God.” ~Age Of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens, by Paul David Tripp

This statement does not just apply to teens to but to children of all ages, to some degree or another. Of course I agree with this statement, in theory, but do I live this way? Am I now cultivating the soil of my relationship with my kids in such a way that I honor their individual personhood, in an age appropriate way, before a Holy God? Am I, even now, before we have an official teen in the house, developing a relationship where my children feel freedom within our relationship to be an individual who is different from me? Am I, even now, seeking to let go in the small ways so that I am prepared to let go in the bigger ways as that becomes more appropriate due to the ages and maturity levels of my children?

I think it comes down to trusting the work of a sovereign God in the lives of my children, even if that work takes them in a direction that is God-honoring, but completely different than I would prefer or have imagined. I believe another key aspect is being aware of the convictions that I have and being willing to examine if my convictions are just a personal conviction (not something that has to apply to everyone who is a believer) or if a conviction is truly a foundational, Biblical truth (that does apply to all believers). Trusting God, self-awareness…all easier written about than put into practice.

I welcome any ideas, thoughts, ways to cultivate this type of relationship with kids…from others on this topic.

Overheard

After lunch the kids were cleaning up the dishes and things. This situation can be a time for conflict over who has done what and over what someone thinks someone else should be doing. A and C were arguing and I pulled A aside and reminded him to be helpful. After he returned to the kitchen I heard him say something along the lines of, “Why are you squishing me?” C responded, “I am mad at you, so I am hugging you to remind me to love you.”

I was preparing to read to the boys after lunch. They were coloring and drawing, so I asked them if they wanted to continue that while I read to them. They did, so I started to read and then asked, “Can you hear me.” I was sitting a little bit away from them and wanted to make sure they could hear the story. “Yes, we can hear you,” A replied. So, I started to read again and I heard B whisper to A, “Are we hearing it?” A assured him that they were indeed hearing it.

A small member of our family was having a melt-down and B stated in a very matter of fact way, “Sometimes we feel sad (pause) and sometimes we don’t.” Hmmm, that is true.

Greenleaf Academy: Project Terrarium

Awhile back I received the monthly email from Veritas Press and they had instructions on making a terrarium. I thought that sounded like a fun and easy project to do with the kids. I had visions of the kids and I all gathered together, everyone joyfully doing his or her part to help create a living miniature garden.

The reality…First of all, I had to gather the necessary components needed to set up or terrarium. The supplies needed weren’t too complicated, but it did take me some time (weeks-I sorta gathered as I felt like it and as time allowed) to get them all gathered. First, I wanted to check the list of suggested plants to make sure we planted plants that were not highly toxic. I am not super concerned about the kids eating the plants, but the cat certainly will eat them and I want to avoid a sick cat. Plus, what if one of the kids, for some unknown reason, decided to taste one of the plants. I just didn’t want to risk it.

Then, I needed to go through our temporary, and fairly unorganized, outdoor storage and make sure I didn’t buy supplies I already had on hand. I ended up having plenty of potting soil and charcoal. I only needed to get pebbles and plants. I went to our local feed store and their plant selection was quite slim so we ended up with only two types of plants, a fern and a moss. I had envisioned a bit more plant variety, but I like the moss and fern we selected.

Once I had all the supplies gathered, our week was busy! The plants and other items sat on the counter for a couple of days when I finally decided we were going to plant. C happened to be gone and I actually had the boys stand and watch while I planted. I had originally thought this would be a great hands-on project, but by the time we got around to it, I didn’t want a big mess, so I planted. The boys were good sports, and it went just fine.

I continue to be amazed at the gap between my ideals and reality. Sometimes I find myself not even wanting to attempt a project because I know it will fall short of my ideal, but that isn’t always a bad thing. That is just real life and real life can be very enjoyable. I find that the more projects we do, the more projects that fall short of my ideal, but still end up bringing joy, the more motivated I am to keep doing projects! And I find that every once in awhile the reality actually surpasses my ideal. It isn’t the same as my ideal, but it can be good for what it is. The reality actually can end up better accommodating the individual temperaments and interests of my kiddos more than trying to cram everyone into my ideal of “how things should be.”

Weep With Those Who Weep

This post is a continuation of this one on rejoicing with those who rejoice.

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

How can we weep with those who weep? How do we enter into suffering with others? Should we mourn with others, is it worth the effort? I know, the Bible says to weep with those who are weeping, so the question of “should we”, isn’t really a valid question. But, do we do this? Or do we more often say, “Yeah, yeah, that is a good thing to do.” But then when the opportunities arise do we really enter into grief with others? I was recently struck by the reality that weeping with those who weep is often the portal that gets us to the place of rejoicing with others, deeply, authentically rejoicing.

I had had a particularly challenging morning with one of my children. I won’t go into the details, but it was one of those parenting times when you walk away feeling drained, absolutely drained. It was a parenting situation where my emotions and even physical body came away depleted. And in the midst of parenting this child, God absolutely smothered me with His grace and with patience. I know it was Him because I am not that gracious or that patient. I’m just not. But in this situation, God intervened and was my helper. (Psam 30:10 "Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!”) I was able to be calm, patient, return a soft answer in the mist of a challenging situation. I knew that by the absolute grace of God, I had won the battle, but I was left apprehensive about winning the war in this child’s heart. I was left apprehensive about my own weaknesses flaring up if the struggles continued to go on for days. There is no way, on my own strength, I could go the distance with this one.

After the tense parenting situation, the kids and I loaded up onto the van to go pick up B from preschool and I knew I needed to ask a certain friend of mine to pray. I needed her prayers for my child and for myself. I didn’t want to act poorly in the coming days if the challenges continued. I needed endurance. I shared quickly as we were picking up our little ones and I knew she was on her way to pick up her other two kids and do you know what she did? She asked me if I had time to stop by her house, which was located close by, and pray, right then. So, we did, we pulled up to her home and quickly ran in and prayed. And then what did she do next? She turned to me, me with tear filled eyes, tears from the weariness, tears from concern for my child, tears of gratitude for her prayers, she turned to me and said, “if in the coming days, if you feel the need and you want me to join you in fasting for this situation, I am willing to do that with you.” Wow! Really?! I had not mentioned fasting. So, then I awkwardly shared my apprehensions about fasting, along with my knowledge that it is a discipline worth taking on and how it is not something that I have incorporated into my life. And her response was so loving, she laughed and said she has faced the same struggles and fears, but God’s Word is His Word and it says sometimes fasting is necessary. I was blown away! I shouldn’t have been this is just how this person is, it is just her character to be like that. But I was so overwhelmed by her willingness to face my struggle right along side me. That is a picture of what it can look like to weep with those who weep!

The story is not over. A few days later she called to ask about a couple of things, one thing being how things were going with the situation we had prayed for. God had been gracious and things with my child had been going, above and beyond my expectations, well. I mean things had been going really well! I could see God at work in my kid in such a powerful way! So when I shared this my friend was able to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” There was such a depth to the rejoicing because she had walked along side me when I was struggling. She knew where we had been just a few days before and so the fact that things were going well meant so much more to her than it would have meant to someone who had not walked that road with me.

Now, she could have just said, “Sure, I will pray,” and left it at that, when I asked her to pray. I sure was not expecting anything more than that. I just knew I needed some prayer and accountability for myself. But she went the extra mile. She was tender to the Spirit and God used her to meet the need above and beyond any expectation I had. Her example has encouraged and challenged me. Her example has helped me to understand, in a more personal way, what it can look like to weep with those who weep.

A Security Guard and A "Gentleman"

I recently went into our bank. Typically I just use the drive through so I don’t have to unload the kids and take them all in with me. The drive through is just easier. But, M was with me and he stayed in the van with the kids while I ran in. I noticed a security guard in the bank. That seemed new to me, at this particular branch anyway, but with bank robberies and such, it seems like a smart idea.

Now this guy, this security guard, looked very official in his uniform, but I noticed that almost the entire time I was in the bank he was reading a book. What a job, basically you read the entire time?! Well, that is wrong, he doesn’t just read. I was walking out the door, and I mean I had my hand on the door to open it and he looked up from where he was sitting and reading his book and said, “Oh, let me get that for you,” in a very polite and courteous voice. “Thank you,” I replied as I stepped back to give him room to open the door. And what did he do? Did he get up as one would assume is necessary for opening the door? Nope, he lifts his hand about 4 inches up and over and pushes the handicap door opener button! Now, for pity’s sake, I could have done that myself, if he wouldn’t have been sitting in front of it! In fact it took me longer to wait for the door to open automatically than it would have had I just kept opening the door and walked through like I had been originally doing! I am sure his intentions where good, he was seeking to be polite and he seemed rather proud of himself, but come on! So I guess he doesn’t just read, he also “gets” the door for people.

Wisdom Vs. Wit From a Woman Who Had Both

"Wisdom is better than wit, and in the long run will certainly have the laugh on her side."
~Jane Austin

In the Van

Yesterday we all piled into the van and headed off to our various destinations. Monday is a busy day for us as we have people going in several directions. After we had pulled out and were driving I noticed an unpleasant odor. I know that smell, dog poo! But it didn’t smell fresh, it smelled more like someone had dried dog poo on their shoe. So I ask, "Who has dog poo on their shoe?" "Not me!" "Not me!" Silence. "A, do you have dog poo on your shoe?" "Ummm, yeah, I think so, but it might be dirt." "Nope, it is not dirt, I know that smell!" Dried dog poo is better because that means it isn’t smeared on the van floor and the other good thing is that the guilty party was soon to be dropped off. I am in a hurry and figure that after walking around a bit, the dried dog poo would work its way out of the shoe on its own. Yeah, pretty much, I don't want to deal with it and I figure no real harm will be done by my not dealing with it. =)

After dropping the other kids off, B and I were on our way to preschool. It was my day in the classroom, so it was just B and me. Here are some of the things B stated on the drive:

“Uncle _______ (name withheld=) is a little old. Great-Grandma is all the way old!”

“Won’t the New Earth be great mom?!”

As we were pulling into the parking lot he must have seen a Beaver sticker on a vehicle because he proclaimed, “Looks like someone is a Beaver fan!”

Happy St. Pat's Day!

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

This sounds simple enough. Be happy with those who are happy and cry with a person who is hurting. Yet, simple it often is not. How many times have we heard about another person’s good fortune and expressed outward happiness, yet inwardly our hearts felt a pang of envy or smugness?

We experience envy when we want what another has. Wanting what another has does not necessarily mean I want the item another has, it could be that I want the attention that another person is given. Or it could be that my life has been a little hard lately and I want the joy that the other person is experiencing. Sometimes it is the envy of wanting an actual item, outwardly we may say, “Wow, God has really blessed you with ____________ (insert item, a new car, a vacation, a new outfit or whatever). That is great!” And that is a good response. But what is our heart, that God sees, saying? Is it saying critical things such as, “Too bad they bought that brand of car, they are not very safe or reliable…” or is it saying, “I am so happy for this person, I am so happy that God met their need in this area.”

Do our hearts remember that the same God who is blessing the other person is our God too? Do we rejoice in the character of God that is glorified when we truly rejoice with another? When we fail to rejoice with another we are really doubting God and His goodness to us. We are questioning God and His sovereignty in allowing another person to experience a blessing. When another is blessed and we respond with, “Well I am happy for them, but I know that things will get hard for them at some point.” We are refusing to rejoice with another who is rejoicing! We want to look like we are rejoicing a little but still hang on to our smug pride.

Now there are times when we can see something questionable in a rejoicing moment. When a person is in debt up to their eyeballs and they drive up, rejoicing, in a new car, then we have reason to be guarded in some ways about rejoicing with them. But what is the appropriate response? Is it right to openly criticize the person? Is it right to whisper to our friend about the person’s dept problems “and now here they are with this new car, how irresponsible!” Maybe it is irresponsible of the person to buy the car, but a smug response does not edify or help to build unity.

So what is a right response when we see someone rejoicing and we aren’t sure that the rejoicing is coming out of a truly good decision or circumstance? Well, it seems we should pray for wisdom. We should pray for wisdom as to whether we should bear with the person in love or whether we should lovingly confront the person. Let me take a moment to clarify my terms. By “bear with” I do not mean grudgingly “put up with.” I mean “bear with” in the sense of Proverbs 19:11 “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” By “confront” I mean, talk honestly about our concerns. “Confront” can be a scary word, but really it is best done in loving relationship and it is having an honest and open conversation where concerns can be lovingly shared in a non-condemning way. Once we have prayed for wisdom, we should weigh out our conclusion in this area against the Word of God because maybe the conclusion drawn is based more on my personal preference than on Scripture.

I believe the key to being able to truly rejoice with others and to truly being able to mourn with others is found in Romans 12:9 and 10, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” I think it is especially summed up in the phrase, “Let love be genuine.” If we genuinely love God and love His people, as Jesus emphasizes in Matthew 22:34-40, “But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” If we genuinely love God and love people, then we will be able to really rejoice and mourn with others. We will be genuinely concerned more about the other person than about ourself.

As I write this is sounds so simple. Sorta like, "Okay, go forth and love from now on!" But how hard it is to live this out, day in and day out! Sometimes it is hard to live this out moment by moment. Sometimes it is a moment by moment battle with my thoughts and my actions and my tone of voice... But, it is a moment by moment choice. Often times I fail to love, but I guess that reminds me that “This life, therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness; not health, but healing; not being, but becoming; not rest, but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.”~Martin Luther

Grace and the Family

I have recently been reading Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp. These words from the book brought me back to my focus on grace during this season of Lent:

"In the face of sin within and sin without, in the face of the world, the flesh, and the Devil, the family needs to function as a redemptive community, humbly admitting the reality of sin. We must also consistently and expectantly point to the amazing reality of the grace of the risen Christ, who rules over all things for the salvation of his people. Each situation where sin rears its head is an opportunity to teach grace. Each situation where the Tempter is revealed is an opportunity to point to Christ, who is greater. Each circumstance of failure is an open door for the message of forgiveness adn deliverance.

There is no more consistent, effective learning community than the family. The existance and glory of God, the moral responsibility to love neighbor, and the hope of the Gospel in the face of our sin must be the constant themes that interpret, define, explain, and organize family life. As parents we must accept our position as God's primary teachers. It is a high and life-long calling. There is nothing more important that we will ever do. As we follow God's calling, we will pray for our children what Paul prayed for the Ephesian church: "That the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Eph 1:18-19)"

Check This Out

I have been thinking and thinking about this post ever since I read it, quite awhile back. What a great explanation of the differences between religion and the gospel.

Haven't heard about homeschooling in California? Go here and read this!

Little Yellow Boots

My cousin passed these boots on to our family. A wore them, although I don't have a digital photo of him in them. Here is B in them.

And here is L. She loves the boots and I love seeing another pair of precious little feet walking around in them.

A and the Yellow Sidewalk Chalk

One morning, while on the way outside to feed the cat and dog, A saw a piece of sidewalk chalk on the deck. He decided to try out that sidewalk chalk and upon seeing how well it made swirly lines he decided to see how it worked on the stairs.

Very nicely done!

In order to complete the look, it would only be right to accent the railing with a yellow chalk line as well. What deck is complete without a chalk accent line?

I am really not sure what this is. It looks important though, like the beginnings of some math or scientific equation. Is this a graph or chart? I am not sure, although I have to admit that those A’s and Y’s look very nice! I especially like the A in the larger box. Maybe this graph/chart is the beginnings of a very important formula or equation, but incomplete, because upon remembering the morning, it was at this spot, (right where the large dot under the graph/chart is) that I found A, absorbed in his chalking project. The rest of us were about to sit down to breakfast and I noticed a missing A and wondered where he was and what was taking him so long to feed the animals.

A few more thoughts on chalk…when a boy gets distracted and absorbed in chalk art, it is very obvious-see photos above. I wonder what else distracts him some mornings, not all distractions are so obvious. With the chalk, I know exactly where he went and what he was doing, yet other mornings I have found him on the back of our place “wandering.” I am sure he was absorbed in some wonderful imaginary play or adventure.

An Ode to A Haircut

In the midst of my busy life,
In the middle of mothering, homeschool and being a wife
You, Oh Haircut, relieve my stife.
You make me feel like I do have a life!
Besides the one that involves laundry and dishes,
An existence beyond my mini-van
Somewhere deep in me is a hip mom, well, at least the desire to be a hip mom
Haircut, Oh, Haircut you fulfill all my wishes
Of not falling into oblivion or being over ran
With concerns that my hair looks just the same as I did at my junior prom

Some Thoughts on the Book "When People Are Big and God is Small"

I recently finished reading the book When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man, by Ed Welch. What a timely and well written book! Here is a exerpt from the book that I have been thinking on:

"People-pleasers can mistake "niceness" for love. When they do, they will be prone to being manipulated by others, and burn-out is sure to follow. People-pleasers can also mistake "yes" for love. But "yes" might be very unwise. It might not be the best way to repay our debt of love. Saying "yes" to one task might keep us from another that is more important. It might mean that we will do something that someone else could have done better. It might mean that we will entrench the sin patterns of other people. It might mean that we interpret the church egocentrically rather than as a body, thinking, "If I don't do it, nobody will."

"Therefore, "yes," "being nice," and "self-sacrifice" are not necessarily the same as love. They can be ways that we establish our own personal meaning and identity more than creative expressions of loving others...When we live in the fear of the Lord, there is an intensity to our lives. We are zealous to obey, we are no longer indifferent to others, and we have a desire for the church to be brilliant and outstanding. Such desires may mean some late nights and some tasks we would rather not do. Love is certainly not the easy way out."

Here is a review of the book that sums up the entire book.

English Language Funnies

As I have been teaching the boys to read I am struck by the oddities of the English Language. From today:

B read the word "Jim", then stated, "I like to play in the gym at preschool!" Jim and gym sound the same but certainly are not the same.

Then we were reading about bears and the book was talking about bears "capturing prey." "What does prey mean?" Instantly B put hands together like he was going to pray. Again, pray and prey sound the same but are not the same at all.

Aging

My mom is on a road trip with a few girlfriends so I am stepping in to take meals to my grandma, set out her medication, wash her laundry and that sort of thing. The laundry was a small load because she didn’t want her bed sheets changed. I will ask again later in the week or let mom take care of it when she returns.

Grandma did let me take the towels out of the bathroom and replace them with clean ones. She forgets to change clothes, even when new clothes are set out for her. She just keeps putting the same clothes on each morning. A woman comes in and helps her bathe so I figure she can get new clothes then. She does not smell badly and the clothes don’t look dirty, so I suppose it is not a big deal for her to wear them again.

I am struck by how we will have a normal conversation, when she can hear me, and then the next moment things aren’t flowing. I asked her about her laundry and she showed me the hamper and then opened it and stared in and asked me if this was the dirty laundry. It chokes me up, yet I respond with a smile and a, “That’s right Grandma it is.” My voice has a similar enthusiasm to what it would have if one of my children discovered something.

Her hearing is so poor and she refuses to wear a hearing aid. I suppose at her age that is one thing she can refuse to do. Just like her food. If she wants junk food, we sorta feel like it is fine. Her blood work, cholesterol and all that, are great, so have at those doughnuts Grandma! We do bring her healthy dinners, so it isn’t all junk.

My grandma does not want to go to a care center. She begs to stay at home and we want to make that happen for her. There are lots of dilemmas, most of the burden falls on my parents and especially on my mom. So many questions of what is essential to insist on and what just really does not matter. It is essential that she take her medication, so my mom sets it out for her. She gets one set of pills with dinner and has another set out for her to take with breakfast, beyond that it is too confusing for her to remember on her own.

I am so struck by the flow of life. I hold my little ones, so full of hope and potential, so needy and dependant, yet growing in capabilities. Then I hug my Grandma, but the hope of her coming back, the hope of her being the person that I have known up until recent years is gone. My Grandma is becoming more needy and more dependant, more childlike, like a child, yet completely unlike a child in that the abilities are diminishing. Young or old, the personhood remains. The value of life remains, yet it looks so different.

Watching my Grandma and hearing the stories of others who are caring for parents or grandparents, I am humbled. Am I preparing to grow old? I recently listened to Just As I Am, the biography of Billy Graham and he mentioned that he was not prepared to grow old. Aging is so contrary. From the beginning life is striving, reaching, developing, then there comes a point where the striving slows, the reach weakens and life is suddenly about the very simple acts of dressing, eating, looking out the window at the birds and people passing by. Some people seem to have such a simple calmness as they age and others seems to fight it every step of the way, fighting even those who love and care for them. How do we prepare to age as graciously as possible?

Terrestrial Energy

"The rest of the world is rapidly moving toward nuclear power. France, Russia and Japan are not only going ahead with their own nuclear programs, but selling technology in the developing world. America, which once dominated this technology, is left behind. The main culprit is public fear...[Nuclear energy] is simply a natural outgrowth of our evolving understanding of the universe. The sun has been our prime source of energy throughout human history, but energy is also generated in the earth itself. It is time to avail ourselves of this clean, safe terrestrial energy."

"Canada, Britain, France and Russia are all recycling their nuclear fuel. France has produced 80% of its electricity with nuclear power for the last 25 years. It stores all its high-level "nuclear waste" in a single room at Le Havre."

Nuclear energy, aka terrestrial energy could well be a solution to global warming concerns, reducing pollution and our dependence on foreign oil. I highly suggest you read this article. M read it and kept telling me to read it. I finally read it and it is excellent.

These quotes were taken from William Tucker in Imprimis, February 2008, Volume 37, Number 2. Imprimis is an excellent periodical offered on-line or by mail from Hillsdale College. It is free and well worth reading.